The Arrival Fallacy

The idea that when we arrive somewhere else we'll be happier starts in childhood. We want toys and think everything will be better when we get them. We get our desired piece of plastic, see little Timmy with something else and divert our attention.

Then we get to teen years and pine for independence. We want to go see 15-rated films with our mates without fear of being chucked out by underpaid cinema attendants

In our 20s and 30s it becomes about wealth/status. If only people looked at us in a certain way, or if we only could earn enough to get that house, then we’d feel like we were successful. 

Then in later years, security becomes the name of the game. Whether it’s for our retirement or our family, we want to set our lives up in such a way that protect us, and those we love, from the nefarious nonsense of the world.

“There is no there there.” - Gertrude Stein

What we’re describing here is the arrival fallacy. The belief that reaching a goal will bring lasting happiness. We’re sold a lie that “getting” is the solution, however that manifests – be that a house, blouse or spouse. that when we get things then we’ll finally reach this nirvana of bliss. It’s fallable logic shrouded in BS. We may roll our eyes at the B&M bargains A4 prints that say “The journey is better than the summit,” but there's a lot of truth there.

Built To Chase

The human brain is wired to seek, not to settle. We’re striving creatures. That’s how we went from caveman to astronauts.

Berridge & Robinson underlined this in a seminal 1998 study where they found that our dopaminergic pathways respond more to expectation than they do to the experience of whatever we’re anticipating.

• Luxury car owners are no happier during trips than those who own cheaper ones, unless they’re obsessing over their car while driving.
• Our wellbeing stabilises–albeit in a different form–following bereavement, unless we’re fixating on the issue.
• Lottery winners return to the same level of reported happiness after an initial spike.

We’re piss poor at judging what’s in front of us. Wilson & Gilbert described this as miswanting. The idea of a holiday’s near orgasmic, but the queue in the airport, the overcrowded pizzerias and the stifling heat might just burst the idealistic balloon we’ve been inflating for the previous six months.

• We think the attainment of something fancy (car) will improve our lifestyle. It doesn't.
• We think the arrival somewhere lucrative (lottery win) will change our happiness. It doesn’t.
• We think the arrival of somewhere awful (bereavement) will ruin us. It doesn’t. 

The band will always keep playing.

Nothing Is As Important As You Think It Is

The illustrious Danny Kahneman exemplified this in his fortune cookie maxim. Whatever’s in front of us takes priority. Crack a Chinese biscuit to read “The only limits for tomorrow are the doubts you have today,” and it might feel like a universal hand on our shoulder pushing us in the right direction.... It both is and isn’t.

Today that scrap of paper might be enough to alter behaviour. If so, fantastic. Read it tomorrow when we’re not fist-fighting insecurity and it’ll be far less potent.

Let’s make it ZAAGy. You train for an ultramarathon; hundreds, maybe thousands of hours of practice and training. You go through the whole arduous process, make it to the end, then speak to your mates who didn’t run, and they say “Well done. Where do you want to go for dinner?”

In your mind what you just did was colossal, a culmination of months of preparation. To them, it’s an impressive feat and they’re happy for you. But what’s really important is the choice between Five Guys or Wagamamas.

A Danish study looking at participants' happiness in Tokyo’s 2020 Olympics found that athletes “who achieved their goals” were split: 20% reported average well-being, and the other 80% was split evenly between ‘below average’ and ‘above average’ well-being. 

That is to say, we’re just as likely to feel bad after hitting our goals as we are to feel better. The idea that we could win an Olympic medal and have a relatively equal chance of feeling better/worse is... remarkable.

To maintain satisfaction for the longest time possible, we need to iterate our progress. It’s the hedonic treadmill – we covered that well 18 months ago. Our goal with these pieces isn't to write one great piece, though, it's to keep doing it.

That is the trick. For us and for you.

The Goalpost Shuffle

“You’ve got to know what to wish for with the magic lamp, or all you’ve got is a f***ing lamp.” - Jimmy Carr

To really rig the game of life in our favour, we need to start thinking about doing the next thing before we've finished. Put all of our electrolytes in one basket and we risk underwhelm and loss of direction once it’s completed.

Unfortunately some of  HR meeting terminology has to come in here: We need immediate goals and stretch goals if we’re to rig the algorithm of happiness in our favour. We need some stuff you can get done this month, and a few things that are pie-in-the-sky, life-altering or existentially challenging to lurk in the undergrowth to pull us forward when we succeed in the easier ones.

It’s a beautiful idea to find purpose in the doing and not the done. Anecdotal evidence and the literature shows the ideal route: a mixture of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. If we’re able to shift our identity from “marathon finisher” to “runner,” that becomes blissfully endless.

These mental machinations can get exhausting, we get it. The self-helpification of life can be overwhelming. It’s up to you if you want to lean into these strategies. You have every right to switch off from the noise if it gets too much. Though, if you’ve made it to the end, you’re probably not wired that way.

Remember: A goal without a path is pointless. The destination is not going to solve all of your problems. But each arrival is proof of your potential. Know that. Keep going.

“Regret is mindless. The choice you didn’t take, you’re presuming would’ve been better. Instead of making the right decision, make the decision right.” - Dr Ellen Langer