Main Character Syndrome

Nobody is thinking about you at all. 

What a wonderful thought.

Think of a high performer. Who comes to mind?

We know Phelps, Bolt, Djokovic and Williams. Of course, they’re incredible. No question.

But their performance is bolstered by an army of individuals focused on the star.

What about someone in your life: A family member, a colleague, or someone at the gym. 

My first thought of performance is someone I know personally who pushes to their limits. Late-night meal preps, early morning runs, new languages and hobbies, thorough dissertations – amongst the school runs, struggling family members, side hustles and setbacks.

As we’ve expanded our relationships to include individuals we’ll never meet, but see digitally every day, we’ve distorted our idea of what performance means.

100% effort to you and me may be starkly different. 

Performance doesn’t have to be otherworldly. More often than not it’s something practised and visible every day. A river of consistency.

Too many of us, Brits in particular, fear the thought of stepping into pride in our performance. We cheer under our breath for fear of taking up too much space or being seen as arrogant or thinking we’re special.

Understandably we’re somewhat self-absorbed. Liberation comes from realising the ubiquity of the feeling.

Our trajectory is paramount. Everyone else’s? Important, sure. A side dish, though. Not the main course.

Failures really aren’t that deep. Not to anyone other than you.

The failed business becomes a story for the dinner table.

The flopped email that prunes disinterest from your audience.

The romantic gesture a guffaw during Never Have I Ever.

The incomplete half-marathon an indication of your ambition.

Try to foster a little more self-compassion. The effort you put into your performance, the amount you try, the hurdles in your way and your determination to continue regardless.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ― Sharon Salzberg